Tuesday, 30 January 2018
Well, I'm pretty sure everyone got their own story.
I do have mine.
and I know you too.
That feeling, siapa yang rasa je tahu.
Betrayed by the one you love. The one who you trust enough konon kononnya he/she will never ever stab you at your back.
yeah, I never in any relation'shit' like the others do. But I got my very own story too. Once, aku pernah menyayangi. Once, aku pernah mempercayai. Sangat.
Enough to make me stop believing. That people can be trusted enough to be my partner. In my life I mean. Heh. For about 6 years I trust him. Trust him enough to tell every little secret that I have. Even my family matters. Then, whoooops, gotcha. He betrayed me. Aku tak kisah langsung kalau kena betrayed pasal perempuan lain. Kau tahu, sayang aku, sampai aku percaya if he really do love me, he won't find someone else. Aku tak kisah langsung kalau dia flirt with other girls. Sedih? Mesti. Jealous? hell yeah. Tapi aku takkan sekat kebebasan dia. I trust him. Aku percaya. Dan aku tunggu.
Tapi, rasa sayang aku mati bila dia tikam rasa percaya aku.
Kau tahu. Bukan senang untuk percaya.
Kau tahu. Luka itu.
Sampai sekarang masih terasa.
Aku bukan semudah yang orang sangka.
Mungkin orang rasa yang aku senang untuk percaya. Lurus mungkin. Mungkin juga nampak macam aku diperbodohkan. Yeah, I know.
But, I always choose to believe. To trust. Hoping that one day, I meet someone that really do trust me as I do trust him. Well I used him because this post lebih kepada rasa percaya kau pada pasangan kau sendiri.
Okay lap air mata kejap. This song never failed to make me cry when I want to cry.
touchy mouchy ety. whatever.
You know what. We can choose. Who we want to trust.
You know what, I can choose. Who I want to trust. And the person I choose is you.
Lucky you. Not so lucky me.
What should I do to gain your trust? Aku harap masa itu belum terlambat.
Aku takut, sebelum kau mula percaya.
Aku berhenti untuk menunggu.
Dan kerana aku susah untuk percaya. Bila rasa itu tiada, kosong.
It is not easy to let go of something when you hold on it for a very long time. Well yeah, I do consider 5 months as a long period.
Maybe it is not about the length of time you've known someone, maybe its about instant recognition on an unconscious level. We still cant forget someone who we known just about few hours if they really leave some impact to our feeling. Our heart.
I love travels.
I love talking a lot.
I love making jokes.
I love making silly statements.
I love doing some mistakes and get over it.
I love when I can be myself in front of my beloved.
I really love you.
But that was before.
I stop doing all the thing I love when I start loving you.
and it's not your fault.
Monday, 22 May 2017
Dia tak pernah bercinta.
Dia tak bercinta sebab bagi dia, cinta tu bukan senang untuk kau bagi entah pada siapa siapa..
Dia katakan, yang dia hanya akan bercinta dengan seseorang yang dia memang pasti akan menjadi bakal zaujnya. Bakal imamnya. Bakal ayah kepada anak anaknya.
Dan manusia, kau tahu. Tak pernah berpegang pada kata katanya.
Rapuhnya hati seorang manusia apabila terlalu mendambakan rasa cinta daripada manusia yang lain.
Rapuhnya hati seorang manusia apabila meletakkan pengharapan pada sesuatu yang belum pasti.
dan dia, insan itu.
insan yang terlalu rapuh hatinya.
menolak pada yang ingin memiliki.
mengejar pada sesuatu yang belum pasti.
Dan kini, dia tahu dia telah melangkah jauh.
Terlalu menyayangi hingga tidak tahu sejauh mana dia perlu pergi.
Tuhan, kalau benar lelaki itu jodohku, dekatkan lah.
Kalau lelaki itu bukan jodohku, kau hapuskan lah segala rasa.
Dan biar, dia menangung setiap apa yang terjadi tanpa diletakkan kesalahan itu pada manusia yang lain.
Kerana, yang memilih lelaki itu,
walaupun lelaki itu mungkin tidak memilih dia.
Sunday, 21 May 2017
This is a confession.
I will never know whoever read this post.
I hate you. I hate her. I hate both of you. and the most person I hate is myself.
I always want your attention. I want you to reply my text. I want you to be happy. With me.
But I know, she's the one who get your attention. You will never ignore her text. and I know, deep down. You are happy, with her.
I know. Don't ask me how.
I just know..
When I know the fact but still not leaving you. haha.
I know by her comment.
I know by how you respond me when I asked about her.
It's a denial.
That you said you didn't love her.
and why on earth im cryin right now. Fuck.
Its not like she is the third person. Its look like I'm the one.
The third person.
and if you read this, you gonna say i am merapu. said nonsense thing.
how on earth she always know what you up to.
Thats all I ask.
crazy isnt? I mean, Im the one yang being crazy.
Jealous? Damn right.
I hate myself because I stay.
I dont really know how to say goodbye. All I ever know is how to love. So, stab me. Tikam banyak kali. Sampai puas. Im gonna stay here and bleed.
Thursday, 4 May 2017
You're losing her and not even realizing it.
You lose her a little more every time you don't answer her calls on purpose.
You lose her a little more every time you choose someone else when the only person she's ever chosen is you.
You lose her a little more every time you don't appreciate her.
You lose her a little more every time you take her for granted.
You lose her a little more every time she goes to bed wondering, 'why aren't I enough for him?'
But she's more than enough for you.
And one day you'll lose her for good. Because she's going to get a point where there's nothing more she has to offer and she'll walk away.
And it'll hurt her to do so.
Because she looked at you with wide eyes full of faith that depleted over time.
One day she'll be the one not answering.
One day those snaps you send will be ignored and you'll send another just in case.
It'll irk the shit out you, the moment she starts treating you the way you treated her.
You'll ask her out and she'll politely declined.
You'll blow up her newsfeed and begin to become more interested in what she is up to more than that who she's with.
Because it's not you that's making her smile anymore.
You will miss the nights when she laid beside you and all she ever wanted to do was talk.
The silence will kill you, as you wish for just one more conversation.
You'll hold onto everything she ever got you and it'll be a hurtful reminder of the girl who loved you a little too much.
A girl with a soft heart often gets hurt.
When she finds someone that she can see a future with, she puts all of her energy, but instead of appreciating that and returning the gesture, people take advantage of how sweet she's being.
They think it means they can use her.
That they can avoid her texts, put in less effort, and that she'll stick around.
She's the type of girl that sees the best in people.
She ignores their shattered pieces and focuses on what's left.
She genuine when she loves. She's trying to make a broken person see their worth. She believes in spreading happiness, encouraging positivity.
She wants to cause smiles, not confusion, not tears.
But she keeps getting screwed over, because she's an emotional daredevil.
She's willing to take risks in the name of love.
She'll set aside time for someone, clear out her life to make room for them, and let them into every nook and cranny.
But most people aren't interested in exploring her soul. They're only interested in keeping her close, but not too close. And when the first problem pops up, they always walk away.
They were always meant to leave.
But she's the kind of person that wants to fix what's broken instead of calling it a lost cause.
She has too much hope to let go of a good thing.
She keeps getting screwed over, because she never stops.
Never stop loving. Never stops caring. Never stops trying.
until the day she's finally give up.
But she isn't ashamed of her soft heart. She knows that people have abused in the past, and will attempt to do so again in the future, but she's smarter now. Pickier.
She's going to save her love for someone that has earned it. Someone that appreciate her existence.
It's not like she ask them to be with her for 24 hours. No.
She wants to feel wanted. Wanted by someone. And by that someone she means you.
He taught her a lot about love,
even if he could not give it to her.
-edited by me-